Austin to San Francisco
Question: What is the most overused word/phrase in the vocabulary of America, do you think? Lawsuit? Big Mac? Are you from Germany, sonny? No, the most overused word in the vocabulary of America is 'AWESOME'. Now awesome is a great word but it's used all the time here for things that clearly aren't. Such as...
Girl 1: "I was... like... shopping the other day and it was SO.... like.... crowded. I had to reverse my car to....like... park it!
Girl 2: "You REVERSED your car to park it? That is...like.... SO AWESOME!!!!!"
I'm sorry, but this just won't do. If you're going to use the word, find an appropriate subject matter. Last week, I visited/passed through five of the greatest National Parks between Texas and California. Now THOSE were f#cking AWESOME!!!
One thing I swore I wouldn't do during this trip would be to take any internal flights. I always thought I'd want to hitch, drive or take a bus or train to see as much of the country as possible. Mind you, I also swore that I'd lose two stones (28 pounds for you Americans) and give up smoking during the trip and that hasn't quite happened yet!
After a fantastic last few days in Austin which included seven rounds of golf, boating on the lake and lots of drinking and eating, I just couldn't face the prospect of trying to drive from Texas to California in four days. So I cut out 1,200 miles and flew to Las Vegas instead. Picked up a rental car (or jeep to be more accurate) and set off on a whistle stop tour of the deserts and mountains. A big landscape needs a big soundtrack and I know it's obvious but there's nothing better than "The Joshua Tree" by U2 to give the dramatic miles some suitable dressing. As a quick aside, here's my top five cd's acquired on this trip.
1. "Trouble No More" by John Mellencamp. Greatest living American rocker puts his own spin on some traditional US songs.
2. "Smile" by Lyle Lovett. Austin's finest (and Julia Roberts' ex) with a collection of songs he's recorded for movie soundtracks over the years.
3. "Hootie & The Blowfish" by.. eh... Hootie & The Blowfish. First band I ever heard on American radio eight years ago and still going strong.
4. "Breakfast In America" by Supertramp. Finger right on the musical pulse with this one!!!
5. "Born To Run" by Bruce Springsteen. No road trip would be complete without it.
First up in the desert then was Zion National Park in southern Utah. Zion Valley was named by the early Mormon settlers (Osmonds?) from the Hebrew word "Zion" meaning "a place of refuge or sanctuary". Good thing their vocabulary wasn't as colourful as some of my fellow tourists or it would have ended up being named Holy Shit, That's F#cking Awesome Valley. Nice use of the adjective though! I don't linger at Zion because I really want to get to Monument Valley by sunset.
Monument Valley straddles the Utah/Arizona border and has been the backdrop for many wild west movies, primarily featuring John Wayne. I have very high expectations of this place but they are exceeded ten fold! Huge, red, sandstone... eh... monuments rise over 1,000 feet from the desert floor and I sit there for two hours watching the sun go down while listening to the local Navajo residents playing the theme to The Good, The Bad & The Ugly on their musical pipes. No, really! My Rough Guide says that "the majesty of the place will take your breath away" and frankly, it does.
After I leave the valley I do quite a bit more driving at night because I'm aiming to be at The Grand Canyon by sunrise. This means sleeping in the back of my jeep for a few hours in the desert which sounds a lot more rugged and Indiana Jones like than it actually was. A few years ago, I took a two hour flight over the Grand Canyon which pales in comparison to actually being there when the sun comes up. There's only a handful of tourists around and everyone is very quiet and reverent as the vastness of the canyon is revealed by the ever changing colours of the sunrise. Absolutely stunning!
Drive the rest of that day back to Las Vegas for a one night overnight stop. Las Vegas is hot... damn hot! It's also much busier than the last time I was here but apart from the gamblers, most people seem to just wander about aimlessly gazing up at the outlandishly themed resort hotels. There's every type of person from every walk of life and I'm pleased to note that most of the residents of Mullett, Michigan are in town, no doubt attending an international hair convention! By the way, in case you think that the Mullet has been forever cast back into the deep, dark chasm of the 80's, think again!!! (www.mulletlovers.com, www.ratemymullet.com, www.mulletjunky.com)
Last Friday morning, I left Las Vegas around 9.00 to drive to San Francisco. I'm aiming to be there by 8.00pm that night to have dinner with old high school friend Irené and her husband Graeme but as soon as I turn into Death Valley National Park, I know I'm not going to make it! Death Valley just drops from the landscape as if some giant has stamped violently on the mountains. There's nobody there except the wee, old woman at the Visitor's Centre who's obviously pleased to see somebody come through her door and she launches immediately into her speech.
"Death Valley is THE hottest place on earth which makes it THE most inhospitable place on earth, sonny!"
"Eh?" I reply eloquently. "Have ye no been in The Burns Bar in Falkirk when The Signals are playing? Now THAT's hot!!!"
As my solitary laughter echoes and fades across the tumbleweed strewn valley, she looks at me with a curious mixture of confusion, sympathy and hate. I hastily get back in the jeep before she can call up her, no doubt, gun-wielding grandsons on the CB radio. My Rough Guide says that the ground in Death Valley can often reach boiling point so a few miles further on, I decide to test this theory. Sure enough, the remnants of the previous night's Budweisers are soon hissing and steaming on the desert floor!
The elevation changes to get in and out of, not one, but two deathly valleys are dramatic and sudden. My ears are popping more frequently than a Las Vegas stripper's bra clasp (so I'm told) and the jeep's temperature fluctuates violently despite me acknowledging the signs to turn off the air conditioning. Eventually I emerge hot, sweaty and relieved and continue on to Yosemite National Park.
Yosemite is just gorgeous. Mountains, trees, valleys, waterfalls, canyons - it's got everything. I drive through it all in two and a half hours and feel like I've offended someone for doing so. This is a place you need to come to for a while and just linger so one day I'll be back.
So, here I am now in San Francisco, most laid back city of them all. I did a lot of the touristy things the last time I was here so this time, I'm enjoying just wandering about the different neighbourhoods, visiting various coffee & alcohol shops and sitting on the dock of the Bay. Went to the Haight Ashbury area the other day to see where the hippies all hung out in the 60's only to find that most of them are still there! They welcomed me warmly as one of their own!
Tomorrow, I'm coming home, I've done my time (as Tony Orlando would say) and I have three flights with two small children and Irené to fill the 19 hours of travelling time. I predict lots of alcohol, bribery and games involved in the journey home and I may even have a drink too. All in all it's been.... oh, what's the word?.... it's on the tip of my tongue.... eh.... that's right, AWESOME!
Adios amigos, Love, Neil x
P.S. By overwhelming popular demand (thank you cousin Pascale) here are some of my top travel tips for the USA. You'll have to buy the book to read the rest!!!
1. Before you leave, pack what you think you need and then put half of it back in the wardrobe. This is America for God's sake and you don't really need that 12th pair of boxers when you can do laundry wherever you go. Remember, you get at least four wearings out of underwear, back to front and inside & out!
2. Mind your language!! Different words mean different things over here so no need to punch a guy out if he says he likes your "fanny pack".
3. Always, always keep an eye on the gas (petrol) gauge! It's no fun in Death Valley wondering whether you really can squeeze an extra 30 miles out of an overheated car when the needle is hovering in the red zone!
4. If you're going to drive in the desert at night, don't listen to any of those cheery Leonard Cohen or Morrissey cd's you brought with you. Find a radio station, ANY radio station! It's amazing how a human voice doing a cheesy commercial or an unexpected but familiar song can stop the desert night messing with your head. For me, it was Phil Collins singing "Two Hearts"! I know, I know but I have to tell you that my toes were a-tappin’.
5. And finally, if a hippy war protester in San Francisco yells at you, "DO YOU HATE BUSH TOO?”, think about your answer very, very carefully!!!
Question: What is the most overused word/phrase in the vocabulary of America, do you think? Lawsuit? Big Mac? Are you from Germany, sonny? No, the most overused word in the vocabulary of America is 'AWESOME'. Now awesome is a great word but it's used all the time here for things that clearly aren't. Such as...
Girl 1: "I was... like... shopping the other day and it was SO.... like.... crowded. I had to reverse my car to....like... park it!
Girl 2: "You REVERSED your car to park it? That is...like.... SO AWESOME!!!!!"
I'm sorry, but this just won't do. If you're going to use the word, find an appropriate subject matter. Last week, I visited/passed through five of the greatest National Parks between Texas and California. Now THOSE were f#cking AWESOME!!!
One thing I swore I wouldn't do during this trip would be to take any internal flights. I always thought I'd want to hitch, drive or take a bus or train to see as much of the country as possible. Mind you, I also swore that I'd lose two stones (28 pounds for you Americans) and give up smoking during the trip and that hasn't quite happened yet!
After a fantastic last few days in Austin which included seven rounds of golf, boating on the lake and lots of drinking and eating, I just couldn't face the prospect of trying to drive from Texas to California in four days. So I cut out 1,200 miles and flew to Las Vegas instead. Picked up a rental car (or jeep to be more accurate) and set off on a whistle stop tour of the deserts and mountains. A big landscape needs a big soundtrack and I know it's obvious but there's nothing better than "The Joshua Tree" by U2 to give the dramatic miles some suitable dressing. As a quick aside, here's my top five cd's acquired on this trip.1. "Trouble No More" by John Mellencamp. Greatest living American rocker puts his own spin on some traditional US songs.
2. "Smile" by Lyle Lovett. Austin's finest (and Julia Roberts' ex) with a collection of songs he's recorded for movie soundtracks over the years.
3. "Hootie & The Blowfish" by.. eh... Hootie & The Blowfish. First band I ever heard on American radio eight years ago and still going strong.
4. "Breakfast In America" by Supertramp. Finger right on the musical pulse with this one!!!
5. "Born To Run" by Bruce Springsteen. No road trip would be complete without it.
First up in the desert then was Zion National Park in southern Utah. Zion Valley was named by the early Mormon settlers (Osmonds?) from the Hebrew word "Zion" meaning "a place of refuge or sanctuary". Good thing their vocabulary wasn't as colourful as some of my fellow tourists or it would have ended up being named Holy Shit, That's F#cking Awesome Valley. Nice use of the adjective though! I don't linger at Zion because I really want to get to Monument Valley by sunset.
Monument Valley straddles the Utah/Arizona border and has been the backdrop for many wild west movies, primarily featuring John Wayne. I have very high expectations of this place but they are exceeded ten fold! Huge, red, sandstone... eh... monuments rise over 1,000 feet from the desert floor and I sit there for two hours watching the sun go down while listening to the local Navajo residents playing the theme to The Good, The Bad & The Ugly on their musical pipes. No, really! My Rough Guide says that "the majesty of the place will take your breath away" and frankly, it does.
After I leave the valley I do quite a bit more driving at night because I'm aiming to be at The Grand Canyon by sunrise. This means sleeping in the back of my jeep for a few hours in the desert which sounds a lot more rugged and Indiana Jones like than it actually was. A few years ago, I took a two hour flight over the Grand Canyon which pales in comparison to actually being there when the sun comes up. There's only a handful of tourists around and everyone is very quiet and reverent as the vastness of the canyon is revealed by the ever changing colours of the sunrise. Absolutely stunning!Drive the rest of that day back to Las Vegas for a one night overnight stop. Las Vegas is hot... damn hot! It's also much busier than the last time I was here but apart from the gamblers, most people seem to just wander about aimlessly gazing up at the outlandishly themed resort hotels. There's every type of person from every walk of life and I'm pleased to note that most of the residents of Mullett, Michigan are in town, no doubt attending an international hair convention! By the way, in case you think that the Mullet has been forever cast back into the deep, dark chasm of the 80's, think again!!! (www.mulletlovers.com, www.ratemymullet.com, www.mulletjunky.com)
Last Friday morning, I left Las Vegas around 9.00 to drive to San Francisco. I'm aiming to be there by 8.00pm that night to have dinner with old high school friend Irené and her husband Graeme but as soon as I turn into Death Valley National Park, I know I'm not going to make it! Death Valley just drops from the landscape as if some giant has stamped violently on the mountains. There's nobody there except the wee, old woman at the Visitor's Centre who's obviously pleased to see somebody come through her door and she launches immediately into her speech.
"Death Valley is THE hottest place on earth which makes it THE most inhospitable place on earth, sonny!"
"Eh?" I reply eloquently. "Have ye no been in The Burns Bar in Falkirk when The Signals are playing? Now THAT's hot!!!"
As my solitary laughter echoes and fades across the tumbleweed strewn valley, she looks at me with a curious mixture of confusion, sympathy and hate. I hastily get back in the jeep before she can call up her, no doubt, gun-wielding grandsons on the CB radio. My Rough Guide says that the ground in Death Valley can often reach boiling point so a few miles further on, I decide to test this theory. Sure enough, the remnants of the previous night's Budweisers are soon hissing and steaming on the desert floor!
The elevation changes to get in and out of, not one, but two deathly valleys are dramatic and sudden. My ears are popping more frequently than a Las Vegas stripper's bra clasp (so I'm told) and the jeep's temperature fluctuates violently despite me acknowledging the signs to turn off the air conditioning. Eventually I emerge hot, sweaty and relieved and continue on to Yosemite National Park.
Yosemite is just gorgeous. Mountains, trees, valleys, waterfalls, canyons - it's got everything. I drive through it all in two and a half hours and feel like I've offended someone for doing so. This is a place you need to come to for a while and just linger so one day I'll be back.
So, here I am now in San Francisco, most laid back city of them all. I did a lot of the touristy things the last time I was here so this time, I'm enjoying just wandering about the different neighbourhoods, visiting various coffee & alcohol shops and sitting on the dock of the Bay. Went to the Haight Ashbury area the other day to see where the hippies all hung out in the 60's only to find that most of them are still there! They welcomed me warmly as one of their own!Tomorrow, I'm coming home, I've done my time (as Tony Orlando would say) and I have three flights with two small children and Irené to fill the 19 hours of travelling time. I predict lots of alcohol, bribery and games involved in the journey home and I may even have a drink too. All in all it's been.... oh, what's the word?.... it's on the tip of my tongue.... eh.... that's right, AWESOME!
Adios amigos, Love, Neil x
P.S. By overwhelming popular demand (thank you cousin Pascale) here are some of my top travel tips for the USA. You'll have to buy the book to read the rest!!!
1. Before you leave, pack what you think you need and then put half of it back in the wardrobe. This is America for God's sake and you don't really need that 12th pair of boxers when you can do laundry wherever you go. Remember, you get at least four wearings out of underwear, back to front and inside & out!
2. Mind your language!! Different words mean different things over here so no need to punch a guy out if he says he likes your "fanny pack".
3. Always, always keep an eye on the gas (petrol) gauge! It's no fun in Death Valley wondering whether you really can squeeze an extra 30 miles out of an overheated car when the needle is hovering in the red zone!
4. If you're going to drive in the desert at night, don't listen to any of those cheery Leonard Cohen or Morrissey cd's you brought with you. Find a radio station, ANY radio station! It's amazing how a human voice doing a cheesy commercial or an unexpected but familiar song can stop the desert night messing with your head. For me, it was Phil Collins singing "Two Hearts"! I know, I know but I have to tell you that my toes were a-tappin’.
5. And finally, if a hippy war protester in San Francisco yells at you, "DO YOU HATE BUSH TOO?”, think about your answer very, very carefully!!!
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